There are not many things in life to equal the happiness of a successful marriage. And there are not many things worse than an unhappy marriage.
This makes marriage sound like a gamble for high stakes. A couple can either win a lifetime’s happiness or experience much misery.
Sadly, many marriages today experience a kinda war-torn marriage environment and it has brought untold heart breaks to many couples today.
The first key is love. Interestingly, there are different kinds of love.
One is a warm, personal affection for someone, the kind of love that exists between close friends.
Another is the love that grows between family members. A third is the romantic love that one can have for a member of the opposite sex.
Of course, all of these should be cultivated by a husband and a wife. But there is a fourth kind of love, more important than the others.
The word for this fourth kind of love is agape.
It is an unselfish concern for doing to others what is right and good, whether the recipient appears to deserve it or not.
Such love enables marriage partners to continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another.
Loving married couples have and cultivate intense love [agape] for each other, because love covers a multitude of sins.
Notice that love covers mistakes. It does not eliminate them, since no imperfect human can be free from error.
When such love of each other is cultivated by a married couple, their marriage will last and be happy, for love never fails and it is a perfect bond of union.
If you are a christian and are married, how can you and your mate cultivate this kind of love? Read God’s Word together, and talk about it. Study Jesus’ example of love and try to imitate him, to think and act like him.
If two married people really love each other, then they will also have respect for each other, and respect is the second key to a happy marriage. Respect is defined as “giving consideration to others, honoring them.”
In fact, the Holy Book says that husbands should continue dwelling in like manner with their wives according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one. It also counseled the wife to have deep respect for her husband.
If you want to honor someone, you are kind to that person, respectful of that one’s dignity and expressed views, and ready to fulfill any reasonable request made of you.
Those who wish to enjoy a happy marriage show respect for their mates by keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just [their] own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of their mates.
They do not consider what is good only for themselves—which would be selfish. Instead, they consider what is best also for their mates. Indeed, they give that the priority.
Respect will help marriage partners to acknowledge differences in viewpoint. It is not reasonable to expect two people to have identical views on everything.
What may be important to a husband may not be as important to a wife, and what a wife likes may not be what a husband likes.
But each should respect the views and choices of the other, as long as these are within the boundaries of God’s laws and principles.
Further, each should respect the dignity of the other by not making that one the object of demeaning comments or jokes, whether in public or in private.
Good personal communication is crucial for any relationships and doubly important as a foundation of a good marriage.
You should be able to talk freely about your feelings and every issue in your lives.
You don’t have to agree, but feelings that are expressed don’t fester and create unnecessary anger. You should be able to share your feelings freely for better or worse with your significant other.
Always be ready to talk and ready to listen.
It takes two to make things work. You have to allow for your spouse to be different from you. They are their own person with their own ideas and views and that’s okay.
Arguing can be very healthy if done constructively. We can grow from arguing but there is a way to go about arguing.
When you are angry don’t retreat in silence, say what you believe.
When confronting the issue try not to distort or exaggerate the issue and do not bully your spouse. Don’t attack the other person, attack the issue.
Try and understand what is upsetting your wife or husband.
When arguing be honest with yourself. Maybe the other person is saying some things that are correct after all. Try and also figure out what your needs are in the argument.
People tend to argue when their needs are not being met or addressed. Listen to your spouse so they will listen to you.
Stay on the current issue don’t revert to bringing up past failures as a reference point.
Finally try and focus on the future because you cannot change the past. It may be hard at first to incorporate these things when arguing in a marriage.
Keep in mind these arguing techniques can diffuse a lot of the toxicity that arguing brings into a marriage.
Remember you two are friends and on the same team. Forgiveness is just as important as arguing as is making up afterwards.
There will always be stressful times that’s just the way life is.
Loyalty creates trust.
Trust is one of the main foundations to have an enduring relationship as well as marriage.
When you trust your partner you feel safe and confident in their behavior and can reciprocate the trust as a result.
Trust enables a marriage to be a safe haven where both people can express their hopes, fears and anger without being emotionally abandoned for expressing them.
Emotional betrayal is the worst type of trust breaker such as with infidelity.
You should be yourself freely in a marriage without fear of being rejected for who you are. This brings up the issue of acceptance.
Do not enter a marriage or any relationship for that matter with the idea that you are going to change the person.
That is a sure recipe for failure. What you see is what you get.
People change because they want to not because you want them to. Remember that.
So, if you feel that you would be happier if the person changes because a person does not meet your expectations then you need to examine your own motives.
This also means you have to take responsibility for your own mental state of being. You cannot blame the other person for where your head is at.
These points mentioned above can really help you save and fix your broken marriage.
So apply them now!