There are endless books, articles and information based on people’s ideas of what good marriages should be like.
To have a good marriage you have to have a good relationship.
Like all relationships the best ones persevere through the good and bad times.
There is no magic formula but the best marriages are made from two people who truly love one another and are best of friends as well.
Like all good relationships it takes work to have a good marriage.
There are some general characteristics that all people who consider to be in good marriages seem to have.
A good marriage is one where both parties are happy. The first and foremost is loyalty and avoiding infidelity at all costs.
Trust is one of the main foundations to have an enduring relationship as well as marriage.
When you trust your partner you feel safe and confident in their behavior and can reciprocate the trust as a result.
Trust enables a marriage to be a safe haven where both people can express their hopes, fears and anger without being emotionally abandoned for expressing them.
Emotional betrayal is the worst type of trust breaker such as with infidelity.
You should be yourself freely in a marriage without fear of being rejected for who you are.
This brings up the issue of acceptance. Do not enter a marriage or any relationship for that matter with the idea that you are going to change the person.
That is a sure recipe for failure. What you see is what you get. People change because they want to not because you want them to.
Remember that. So, if you feel that you would be happier if the person changes because a person does not meet your expectations then you need to examine your own motives.
This also means you have to take responsibility for your own mental state of being.
You cannot blame the other person for where your head is at.
Good communication is crucial for any relationships and doubly important as a foundation of a good marriage.
You should be able to talk freely about your feelings and every issue in your lives. You don’t have to agree, but feelings that are expressed don’t fester and create unnecessary anger.
You should be able to share your feelings freely for better or worse with your significant other.
It takes two to make things work. You have to allow for your spouse to be different from you. They are their own person with their own ideas and views and that’s okay.
Arguing can be very healthy if done constructively. We can grow from arguing but there is a way to go about arguing. When you are angry don’t retreat in silence, say what you believe.
When confronting the issue try not to distort or exaggerate the issue and do not bully your spouse. Don’t attack the other person, attack the issue. Try and understand what is upsetting your wife or husband.
Maybe the other person is saying some things that are correct after all. Try and also figure out what your needs are in the argument. People tend to argue when their needs are not being met or addressed.
Listen to your spouse so they will listen to you. Stay on the current issue don’t revert to bringing up past failures as a reference point. Finally try and focus on the future because you cannot change the past.
It may be hard at first to incorporate these things when arguing in a marriage.
Keep in mind these arguing techniques can diffuse a lot of the toxicity that arguing brings into a marriage. Remember you two are friends and on the same team.
Forgiveness is just as important as arguing as is making up afterwards. There will always be stressful times that’s just the way life is.